Hi friends. I just dropped by to tell you guys about a huge change in my life. God is doing something crazy and shaking my world up. As of this week, I am currently unemployed. To me this is a very scary journey that I am about to go on. I have always prided myself on how productive I am. Whether it be working full-time and going to school full-time, or planning a wedding in less than 6 months, while working full-time, or working full-time and trying to be an awesome wife, I’ve always prided myself on how much stuff I can do, and do well.
And in turn I have gotten my worth from these things as well. God is really trying to pull back the curtain on this, and let me tell you, it has been hard to see behind that. I have been riddled with anxiety and stress since making the choice to quit my job, but I know that God is asking me to lay this down at his feet and watch him do something amazing.
Ever since I got married, I have been struggling with anxiety, more so in the last two to three months, which I have written about a lot since then. I believe this is because I have felt the pressure of trying to be good enough, working so hard at work and also at home, that I have started to lose myself in the process.
I have felt God asking me to leave my job for the past couple months in different ways. But when I was offered a full-time position at my current company, I just couldn’t understand how a blessing like that could not be from God. But now that I look back on it, I think it could have been a test, to see what are my priorities. I chose wrong, and wanted to be a great wife, and great worker, all while chasing these things, and leaving behind my relationship with God.
But I finally heard him speak clearly to me at church on the Christmas Eve services we went to, and he asked me if I was willing to inconvenience myself for him. Was I willing to choose a path that others might laugh at, or a path where others might think I’m lazy? Was I willing to live counter-culturally? Don’t get me wrong, like I said before, I am terrified, but I am stepping out in faith and knowing that God is going to show up because He always does.
