Can I just take this time to vent right now? Will you be a friend to listen to what I have going on in my life right now? There are so many thoughts circling around in my head and I don’t know what to do with them all so here I am. I have three more days left of work and I seriously DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. Not having a job has been something that I have thought might happen to me for the past three years (see here if you have no idea what I’m talking about). It finally is a reality now and I really thought I had prepared myself for it. I never really felt afraid of not having a job – I have always known that God would provide for me, but I guess I never saw it being like this.

If I’m being completely honest, I never thought that God would allow me to end my current job without me already having another job lined up for right afterwards. When everyone was asking if I was looking for a job two or three months ago I always responded with “Nah not yet. It’s too far away”. I always thought that once I started looking it would happen sooner rather than later because, well God was on my side. I knew He would open the doors to get me in where it was best for me.

I mean that’s what happened with the job I had now. I wasn’t even looking for a job and someone insisted on me applying for this one and it ended up turning into more than just a job but a way to support myself – and even more than that. It gave me more than enough money to live well and also gave confidence too. This job was something I never knew I always wanted. It turned into something that I could see results in when I put in the effort to work hard. I got recognition for a good well done here in a way that I never have had before.

I’m hoping to find another job that is similar to this one where I can set goals and see the results but I’m questioning how to know if that’s where God wants me? It’s hard not knowing which direction to go in. It’s hard to wait on God to open doors for you when you don’t even know which direction to start walking in. I’m learning that sometimes this involves trial and error and that in and of itself is hard. No one likes to fail but all I can do is keep moving forward and taking the steps that I think are right and keep believing that God will direct my steps in his timing, not my own.

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