This is the part of marriage and moving out and starting a new life that nobody warned me about. I was one of those naive enough to believe that it’s mostly just happy things when you get married. And I don’t mean happy things as in bad things never happen to you because I read enough to know that that is just not true. But what I mean is I thought the general state of my life would just be happy because now I’m married and my old problems were gone.
And don’t get me wrong here there is much truth to that too, but I just didn’t expect the other side to it. Ever since getting married and moving out I just feel a sense of not recognizing my life and feeling very lost. I think some of it might come from literally not knowing what’s coming next. I’ve reached a huge milestone and don’t see the next huge milestone (babies) coming anytime in the near future. But I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety and fear about not knowing what’s next and not being able to just sit and enjoy where I’m at.
I also think part of this is because there so much excitement and planning that go into being engaged that it’s a huge leap after getting married for everything to just go back to being normal again. (Someone please tell me what I’m supposed to do with all this time because I still do not know!) I’m a huge type A person and love having goals to meet and I thrive when there’s a lot of pressure to get things done. So since we we’re engaged for just less than 6 months, while I was still looking for a job, almost all of my life while being engaged was just pressure and making sure everything got done. And even though there was some crazy stress to that that I have never experienced before, there still was some normalcy to it because even before that there was a lot to do.
Just 6 months before we got engaged I was going to school full time and working full time so again I was used to having a lot going on. Part of me really does enjoy that. And don’t get me wrong I really do love where I’m at now – being married and living with Tommy has been hands down the most exciting and fun thing that has happened to me. But it is has also been a huge adjustment that I just didn’t realize I would have to make. Who would have thought that finally having a stable home would cause someone anxiety lol? I’m still working through all of these strange new feelings and I think part of it might be that I’m afraid to lose what I have because it is so different and I really do love it so much.
I’m learning to trust God at this new stage of my life and really lean into Him and believe that He is good always. There is no reason to believe that God would take this all away from me because He is the one who has blessed me with it in the first place. I want to be more diligent about spending time with God, reading His word and praying because I have been slacking a lot with this and I also think that this might be part of where the anxiety is coming from as well.
What about you? Does anyone else know what I am talking about or has experienced this as well? Please tell me I am not alone.