Happy Monday! I hope you guys had a nice and relaxing weekend. I wanted to write a post that was inspired by this quote:
I wanted to write this post because some days I forget how amazing it is that God really did answer my prayers. Some days I forget how desperately I wanted this life. Some days I forget all the tears and pain that led me here. I wanted to be a bit vulnerable and try my best to let you in on how my life used to be, because I know that by posting only positive things, it can be easy to display the wrong message to my readers. I don’t write about how blessed and happy and grateful I am for my marriage and the way my life is because it’s perfect or because it’s the reason behind my joy. I write about these things because I am grateful to God for this life, and I never want to forget that, or to display anything otherwise on this blog.
I prayed for these moments and it was a hard, tough road to get me to where I am today.
Because on that day I sat in my car back in 2012, crying in my driveway because I couldn’t understand what God was doing, because all I wanted was someone to love and God wasn’t allowing that then. I couldn’t see it back then, but all those prayers would be answered and it would lead me to this:
A life where all those tears are way outnumbered by all the laughs shared with my best friend, all the laughs because of silly things he does, like falling asleep in the most bizarre ways.
Because on the day that I moved out of my mother’s home at 18, wondering why life had to be this way, it led me here to this:
My heart leaping with joy at just the sight of a tiny, little, one bedroom apartment because it is a place to call my own.
Because on those days that I spent growing up, wondering why my family was so different, wondering why my dad wasn’t around or why we didn’t have the money to do things like the other kids did, it led me here to this:
To a man who works so hard to provide for his family, even if that means his only family right now is me. To a man who I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, will provide and be there for his kids when that day comes.
Because on those many nights that I ate dinner by myself, feeling desperately alone, and wondering why God wouldn’t answer my prayer for a family to eat dinner with, it led me here to this:
A man who I know will be my forever dinner date, who I know is in it for the long haul.
Because through all the breakups and the tears and heartache that followed, through all of the confusion and the what ifs, they let me here to this:
To a man who will do anything to put a smile on my face. To someone I know that God hand-picked for me because of his commitment to do what is right and to love me the way that God commanded. I couldn’t see it then but God was protecting me and saving me for a guy who was worth it.
Because on the nights where I sat literally crying out to God, not understanding why he wouldn’t take the pain away, led me here to this:
A life that I wouldn’t trade for the world and a faith so much stronger because of the hard times. I have the confidence of knowing that I did not rush ahead of God and that this is his best for me. I have confidence that all those tears cried were seen and all those prayers prayed were heard. Back then I couldn’t see it, because the pain and heartbreak and confusion were so blinding, but that pain had a purpose and taught me to appreciate just how much of a gift this life truly is.