For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. – 2 Chronicles 16:9
I have a confession. I do not know what my spiritual life is supposed to look like now that I’m married. Everything feels different. I don’t feel like I can connect to God as easily as I used to. When I pray I don’t hear His voice as easily as I used to. This could just be a dry season for me – before we were married I was consistently seeking God and desired to spend so much time with Him. I don’t feel the same lately and I know we all go through phases and some seasons it is easy to connect with God and others it is harder but being in a new season of life and not being able to connect with God well has been really tough.
Sometimes I even feel like it’s my fault. Like maybe I’m doing something to keep myself from connecting with God (besides the obvious, not spending as much time praying and reading my bible). Maybe I am living too much for others opinions or maybe I just got lazy because I finally “got what I wanted” being married and all. But I still do desire God and wish to connect with Him like I have before.
I also think part of it might be because I am not used to having to connect with Him while other people are around. I used to read my bible and pray in my room behind closed doors and now my desk that I normally read at is in our living room so this makes it much more difficult to be alone. Or maybe God is just trying to teach me to try to connect with Him with my husband now. We just bought 30 day devotionals for married couples. I linked the book in case anyone is interested.
I wrote the bible verse above because this verse convicted me a lot today while I was reading my bible, but also encouraged me as well. Friends, I don’t feel as though my heart is “fully committed to Him” although I do desire for it to be. Like I mentioned in my post yesterday I feel lost and I guess I’m not sure what having my heart being fully committed to the Lord in this season should look like. I am excited to find out though. Especially because this verse says that the Lord strengthens those who are fully committed to Him. I am praying for an increased desire to know the Lord and praying for obedience and discipline when it comes to reading my bible.