I have been married just over 9 months now and it’s been a journey to say the least. You can read hundreds of articles about getting married, and still be utterly unprepared for just how much your world is going to change. It changes in all different ways, some good and others… well I wouldn’t say bad, but definitely in some ways that you never expected that take some time getting used to. This is definitely how I feel about my relationship with God since getting married. I want to share with you all the ways it has changed: the good, the bad, and the ugly. (PS. This is a vulnerable post, please be kind.)

The Good

I know that the intro probably made it sound as if my relationship with God changed for the worst after getting married, but there are definitely still some good aspects to the changes as well.

  • I now have someone to pray with me all the time. My husband and I are still learning to be comfortable praying with each other, but it’s an awesome thing to be struggling with something and be able to ask Tommy to pray for me.
  • I have someone to remind me of God’s goodness when I can’t see it. Sometimes when you’re walking through something hard, it’s really hard to see God in the midst of it. Having someone walking through life so closely with you gives them the ability to encourage you and show you that God is right there with you even when you can’t see it.
  • Being married has caused me to grow my trust in God. I’m still learning to do this but I now have to learn to trust God with my husband. It’s not only my life that matters to me so greatly, but my husband’s as well. I had to learn to first trust my life in God’s hands and I am not (slowly) learning to trust Tommy’s life in God’s hands as well.

The Bad

Even though I am labeling these things as bad, I still know that God can and will bring goodness out of them.

  • I don’t spend as much quality time with God. I’m still working on the answer as to why this is. It’s very frustrating but I just don’t feel as close with God now as I did before. Maybe I just need to make more time for God so that there can be a better relationship, I’m not sure, but I am still working through this because I want to be closer with God again.
  • I don’t push myself outside of my comfort zone as much as I did when I was single. This is embarrassing but I subconsciously believed (and probably still do a little bit) that God would answer my prayers if I was being a “good Christian” and trying my absolute best to follow him. And while I know that this is not true, I realize now that when I was single I wasn’t quite as comfortable with my life and would push myself outside of my comfort zone more because I knew that was what God wanted. Now it’s much easier to stay in my own cozy life because I am much more content with it. I really want to start challenging myself more though because it is very important for my walk with God.

The Ugly

I just want to start this section off by asking that you please do not judge me for this. I realize that it is not good and am working my way through fixing it, which is why it is under the section labeled: The Ugly.

  • I don’t feel like I need God as much as I used to. Like I said I hate this about myself, but I’m writing it because it’s true and it’s been a struggle since getting married. Before I got married I felt like I very much needed God because I felt alone. Now that I have a loving husband to come home to it can be easy to turn to him for fulfillment or for him to solve my problems instead of God. I desire a closer relationship with God and to turn to him first though and I will keep confessing and fighting against this until I feel that I am no longer struggling with it.
  • I sometimes forget that God gave me my marriage and don’t trust him with it. While most of the time I am overwhelmed with thanksgiving to God for answering the biggest desire of my heart, sometimes I forget that he cares about this dream I have as much as I do. This is when I have to learn to trust him more, like I mentioned earlier, because I need to trust that he will protect my marriage. I guess because it is such a joy and such a big desire of my heart to be married, I am afraid of losing this dream, but I know I don’t have to be afraid and that I need to trust God more.

Getting married completely flops your world upside down and I think that that is the reason why my relationship with God has also changed completely. I think it’s okay to admit that you aren’t where you want to be when it comes to your relationship with God, which is why I do not feel any shame for admitting these things. I do want to work on growing in my relationship with God, and my hopes with sharing this is to maybe help someone else who has felt like their relationship with God is different after getting married. Or at least encourage others to take a look at their relationship with God honestly and try their best to improve it.

I’d love to hear from you! If you’re married, has your relationship changed from when you were single? Do you have any tips for me? If you’re single, do you think your relationship with God will change after you get married? How so?

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  1. Malena

    March 7, 2017 at 11:49 am

    I enjoyed reading your post. And even though I’m not married, I can relate. Things or circumstances cause our relationship with God to become different. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way sometimes. Believe it’s or not you’ve encouraged me. Thank you for sharing. Be blessed!

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:09 am

      Hi Malena! Thanks for the encouragement. I’m so glad that my post helped you in some way. 🙂 It helps me to know that I’m not alone in this.

  2. Heather Hart

    March 8, 2017 at 10:17 am

    I can totally relate to your comment about not pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I totally rely on my husband and trust him to do the hard things. I only get out of my comfort zone when he pushes me (and he does)

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:09 am

      That’s so great that you have a husband that you can lean on in that way. It’s such a blessing!

  3. Michele Morin

    March 8, 2017 at 10:27 am

    I love this detailed analysis! After having been married for nearly 27 years, I can relate to the problem of relying on my husband at times when my heart should be set upon God.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:10 am

      Hi Michele! Thanks for commenting. 🙂 It’s really helpful to know that this is somewhat of a common thing to struggle with and that other women who have been married much longer than me can relate too. Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. Laura E.

    March 8, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Oh my goodness, what an insightful and honest post. Thanks for being vulnerable, and I promise, I don’t judge you! I’ve been married for 15 years (It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long!!), and I can relate to both the good and less-good things you’ve mentioned. Love having another perspective and an encourager in my faith- my husband spurs me on and prays for me and has loads of insight for me. But I’ve also struggled with slipping into expecting too much from him, and turning to him when I should be turning to God to fulfill my needs and desires. This was a great reminder of what I have to be grateful for, and some things to work on as well. Love your blog and thanks for sharing! ❤

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:11 am

      Hi Laura! Thanks so much for sharing your heart. It really helps to know I’m not alone in this! Also, thank you so much for the encouragement <3

  5. Billie Breeden

    March 8, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    I have been married for 38 years this year! When we got married neither of us had a relationship with God. I know God put us together, he was an answer to a prayer I prayed. We have grown in our relationship with God together. We are not always on the same plane as far as God goes, but that’s ok. That has probably been the hardest lesson I learned. I enjoyed your post! God bless you in your marriage.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:12 am

      What a great answer to prayer!! It’s actually helpful to hear that you and your husband aren’t always on the same plane faith-wise. Sometimes I get discouraged in that so hearing that has really helped me. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  6. Ayanna

    March 8, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I have been married for 10 years and I love that after only 9 months you have the courage to not just admit, but share where your relationship with God is falling short. I have definitely been there and still struggle from time to time with focusing more on God and less on my husband. But always remember that your husband is the servant-leader of your household and you are supposed to lean on him.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:13 am

      Hi Ayanna! That’s really helpful advice! It actually changed the way I saw my relationship with my husband. He is the leader and I can let him be that for me. Thank you <3

  7. Lisa notes

    March 8, 2017 at 2:26 pm

    I love how deeply you’re looking into this! It’s beautiful to see your analysis of what is good and what is not so good in your relationship with God after marriage. My youngest daughter got married around 5 months ago, and I’d be curious to see if she sees similar trends in her own life.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:14 am

      Thank you for the encouragement! 🙂 I also wonder if it’s a common thing in the first year of marriage as well.

  8. Jessica Fox

    March 8, 2017 at 6:16 pm

    Although I am not yet married I enjoyed reading this post! Even in my dating relationship I have realized now that I am comfortable in the relationship, I have more of a struggle to put myself out there. I believe this may still be a struggle for me once I am married, but I look forward to growing even more in my prayer life with that person.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:15 am

      Hi Jessica! I like how you made the struggle into a positive thing. I can choose to go deeper with my husband and pray about this with him so thank you for the reminder!

  9. Bella

    March 9, 2017 at 1:11 am

    I love your honesty in this post. Being married has definitely meant that my time spent with God has changed, and it’s taken a long while to get into a new rhythm. And now that my husband’s income provides for all our basic expenses, I’ve still got to trust in God foremost and remind myself that it’s God who gave him that job in the first place.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 14, 2017 at 11:16 am

      That’s so true! Sometimes when things aren’t as much of a struggle, I forget to rely on and just be thankful to God for them as well.

  10. Payton Lane

    March 22, 2017 at 10:44 am

    I appreciate the honesty in this post, and it also really makes you think about this stuff. I really see how the things that go into the bad and ugly sections could be turned around because since that IS a challenge, it causes you to dig even harder into your relationship with God, which will help you through OTHER challenges as you grow older. Hopefully this never happens, but someday a lot of married couples find themselves not being content in their marriage as they did when they were young, and that’s when you really need your relationship with God because he is the one also protecting that precious connection you share with your husband and keeping you together through the good, the bad, and the ugly of marriage in general. I don’t know everything exactly(also I’m single), but that’s just what I see.

    1. Ashley Zinhobl

      March 23, 2017 at 9:43 am

      I love the point you make about how the bad and ugly can actually turn out to be a good thing because they can draw me closer to God – that’s a great way to look at it! I also have seen a lot of older couples stop being content in their relationship, and it makes me so sad too. My husband and I treat each other like each other’s best friends so I hope that will safeguard us against that. But having God at the center of our marriage is definitely key like you said! Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a thought-provoking comment. 🙂

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