Spending time by myself. For some reason lately I’ve forgotten that I need to spend time alone. I forgot the joys of having absolutely no commitments and just relaxing. Of watching a funny TV show or going for a random drive by myself. I forgot that this is what gives life to me.
You see, I’m an introvert in the truest sense of the word. I crave time alone to process my thoughts and check my heart and desires. I’m realizing now when I don’t give myself this time, I let certain sins take control of my heart. I need alone time to weed out the bad desires that I don’t realize are there.
For the past month or so I don’t think I’ve had a full day when I’ve had no commitments. I’ve wanted something so badly that I’ve set this desire in my heart and have been striving for it over God’s will for my life. It’s been coming out in little ways – getting really irritated when things don’t go my way, getting upset when I have had time to myself because I didn’t see this as beneficial to “my goal”. I didn’t even realize and now that I do I feel awful.
When I spend alone time, for me it’s like filling up my car’s gas tank. It fills me up with joy and gives me the ability to love others well. What I’ve been doing lately has been like running on E and it’s been difficult. I’ve been cranky, and have been getting upset with everyone around me way too easily.
The problem comes in because I don’t like the idea of how it sounds to have a day to myself. It sounds like punishment to be honest and so I’ve been avoiding it at all costs. Filling my days with as many “things to do” as I can. And maybe the reason I’ve been doing this is because I’m afraid to stop and listen to what God really has to say. I’ve been waiting on Him to answer a prayer that I’ve been praying for for years and the closer it seems to happening, the more anxious I get because I’m worried that it just won’t. (No idea if that makes sense but it seems that’s what I was believing.) I think by avoiding the alone time with God and myself I thought I would get to pick how things went and they would happen on my timeline. It’s kind of painful admitting all of this because I didn’t even really notice I was doing it until now but I’m thankful that God is still in control and doesn’t let us have our own way even when we think we know better.
So I decided to make a list of things that fill me up and allow me to love others well so next time I notice that I’m feeling burnt out I can make sure to do some of these things. Or better yet, I will start to incorporate these into my daily schedule to avoid burnout all together 🙂
- Read a book
- Go for a run
- Watch How I Met Your Mother
- Read other people’s blogs
- Spend quality time with Jesus
I’m thankful for a God who doesn’t give up on us even when it seems our true desire is not Him. I’m thankful that He is patient and waits until we are able to hear His voice again and is there waiting with open arms for us to come right back home and I’m thankful for His ability to set our hearts right again and on it’s true desire – Him!
Has anyone else experienced this type of burnout? If you have, do you have any tips on how to make sure that it doesn’t happen again? Btw how adorable was Tommy’s guest post – if you missed it, you can check it out here. He makes my heart so happy.