• Faith,  Life

    A Huge Announcement: I’m Unemployed

    December 28, 2016

    Hi friends. I just dropped by to tell you guys about a huge change in my life. God is doing something crazy and shaking my world up. As of this week, I am currently unemployed. To me this is a very scary journey that I am about to go on. I have always prided myself on how productive I am. Whether it be working full-time and going to school full-time, or planning a wedding in less than 6 months, while working full-time, or working full-time and trying to be an awesome wife, I’ve always prided myself on how much stuff I can do, and do well.

    And in turn I have gotten my worth from these things as well. God is really trying to pull back the curtain on this, and let me tell you, it has been hard to see behind that. I have been riddled with anxiety and stress since making the choice to quit my job, but I know that God is asking me to lay this down at his feet and watch him do something amazing.

    Ever since I got married, I have been struggling with anxiety, more so in the last two to three months, which I have written about a lot since then. I believe this is because I have felt the pressure of trying to be good enough, working so hard at work and also at home, that I have started to lose myself in the process.

    I have felt God asking me to leave my job for the past couple months in different ways. But when I was offered a full-time position at my current company, I just couldn’t understand how a blessing like that could not be from God. But now that I look back on it, I think it could have been a test, to see what are my priorities. I chose wrong, and wanted to be a great wife, and great worker, all while chasing these things, and leaving behind my relationship with God.

    But I finally heard him speak clearly to me at church on the Christmas Eve services we went to, and he asked me if I was willing to inconvenience myself for him. Was I willing to choose a path that others might laugh at, or a path where others might think I’m lazy? Was I willing to live counter-culturally? Don’t get me wrong, like I said before, I am terrified, but I am stepping out in faith and knowing that God is going to show up because He always does.

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  • Faith,  Life

    Life is hard

    March 10, 2016

    Can I just take this time to vent right now? Will you be a friend to listen to what I have going on in my life right now? There are so many thoughts circling around in my head and I don’t know what to do with them all so here I am. I have three more days left of work and I seriously DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. Not having a job has been something that I have thought might happen to me for the past three years (see here if you have no idea what I’m talking about). It finally is a reality now and I really thought I had prepared myself for it. I never really felt afraid of not having a job – I have always known that God would provide for me, but I guess I never saw it being like this.

    If I’m being completely honest, I never thought that God would allow me to end my current job without me already having another job lined up for right afterwards. When everyone was asking if I was looking for a job two or three months ago I always responded with “Nah not yet. It’s too far away”. I always thought that once I started looking it would happen sooner rather than later because, well God was on my side. I knew He would open the doors to get me in where it was best for me.

    I mean that’s what happened with the job I had now. I wasn’t even looking for a job and someone insisted on me applying for this one and it ended up turning into more than just a job but a way to support myself – and even more than that. It gave me more than enough money to live well and also gave confidence too. This job was something I never knew I always wanted. It turned into something that I could see results in when I put in the effort to work hard. I got recognition for a good well done here in a way that I never have had before.

    I’m hoping to find another job that is similar to this one where I can set goals and see the results but I’m questioning how to know if that’s where God wants me? It’s hard not knowing which direction to go in. It’s hard to wait on God to open doors for you when you don’t even know which direction to start walking in. I’m learning that sometimes this involves trial and error and that in and of itself is hard. No one likes to fail but all I can do is keep moving forward and taking the steps that I think are right and keep believing that God will direct my steps in his timing, not my own.

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  • Life

    I am overwhelmed by You (part 4)

    March 8, 2016

    There are SO many changes happening this month I can’t even wrap my mind around them all. Next Monday is my last day here at Hudson City. My last day after 5 1/2 years of working here. It’s such a weird feeling and I honestly don’t even know how to feel. I’m excited for the next chapter of my life but also anxious and sad to leave behind what I know now. I went for a job interview yesterday and I think it went well but it’s only a temporary job, which is really disappointing. I really wanted to FINALLY after all of this going on with the merger have a job that was PERMANENT. But honestly I am okay with it at the same time (that is if I get it, I may be jumping ahead of myself). I know that God has taken care of me this far and if this is His plan then I can trust it too. I can let go of my need to have control and certainty and trust that He knows what’s best. Hopefully it’ll turn into a permanent position (again that is if I get it) and if not I know that He will take care of me another way.

    ALSO the best part of this post – TOMMY FINALLY GETS TO WORK WITH HIS DAD IN TWO WEEKS. We’ve been waiting and praying for this for what feels like forever. We both have had out doubts over the past year whether this was what God was doing and if He was going to continue opening the doors here and IT FINALLY HAPPENED and we couldn’t be more excited. I’m so happy for Tommy and all the success he’s going to have because of this job. I know he’s going to do so well and learn so much and I’m just so thankful that I’m the one who gets to be by his side through it all. Again I’m a little nervous about the changes, just because I’m someone who thrives on routine and get a little anxious when it changes (even when it’s a great change like this). But I am far more excited for Tommy than I am nervous. This job is going to be so good for him.

    If you’ve missed my past posts about what God has been doing through this you can check that out here, here, and here. I talk about all the changes that Tommy and I have been through regarding this job and waiting on God through it all. I also talk about how God has opened doors for us even when we felt like they were slammed shut for good.

    When I was thinking about all that God is doing and is about to do this month regarding both mine and Tommy’s jobs I can’t help but worship Him. It’s crazy to me that we’re both stopping our current job now this month, together and Tommy’s finally starting what He has wanted to do for so long. When I was thinking all this over I couldn’t help but sing about how overwhelmed I am by God’s love.

    Here’s to new changes and the unknown. I’m ready for you. (I think).

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  • Faith,  Life

    Pending Merger: APPROVED

    November 10, 2015

    I normally have some sort of idea of what I’m going to write when I start my posts but today that is not the case. I have some news that I want to share with you all but don’t really have a format on how I want to share it or what I want others to get from this post lol. As anyone who has been reading along with my blog might already know, the bank that I currently work at has been pending a merger for over three years. We just found out about a month ago that the merger was finally approved, which meant that most people in the building I work in would be losing their jobs.

    When I first heard the news back in 2012 that I would be losing my job, it wasn’t quite such a big deal because I was only working part-time anyway. I was still in school and had health insurance through being a full-time student. Then the merger was postponed and I graduated from college and moved up in the company during that time. Right now I am the Imaging Supervisor and I do enjoy what I do but I always knew that there was a strong possibility of losing my job if the merger was approved.

    So hearing that the merger was approved about a month ago wasn’t surprising to me. I had a feeling that it was going to happen anyway so I never held too tightly to this job but have stuck around because I will get a severance check if I stay till the end. I just found out yesterday that my last day is going to be March 14th, 2016 and I’m both excited and annoyed about it. Most of the rest of my floor’s last day is December 31st, 2015 and I was really expecting this to be my last day too. I was getting prepared to have to look for another job starting the beginning of next year. The other bank that is merging with us is giving us health insurance for a year after our termination so I am not too worried about that, but one of my goals is to move out next summer and if I stay until March, this gives me a lot less time to look for a job before the summer. Although I am happy about having an income until then.

    I really am unsure about what I should do honestly- stay until March to collect my severance (which would help a lot with another one of my goals) or look for a job that is permanent sooner. So this is where I am, excited but confused about the possibilities ahead. It seems silly to have waited all this time to not wait it out and collect severance. Maybe God is just calling me to trust Him a little bit more- having a shorter timeline to find a full-time job but I’m really unsure about what is the right decision but I’m glad I just do not have to make the decision now. I’m going to spend some time in prayer and really seek out what God might have me do.

    Well this post was different for me but I really enjoyed it. I think I’ll write more about just what is going on in my life lately more often- especially since those are my favorite ones to read from other bloggers.

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