Hi friends! I just wanted to drop in and share with you what God is doing in my heart lately. I share in hopes that I’m not alone in this, that maybe someone reading this may either be feeling this way or have in the past. But I just want to start this post off by praising God for what He has been doing in my life. If anyone reads my blogs at all they know I’m GETTING MARRIED IN JUST TWO MONTHS. Just for that alone I need to give all the praises to God for because if you asked me three years ago if I ever thought this day would come I would have told you quite grumpily “yeah right”. But here I am about to get married to the greatest guy I know and I just can’t believe that God has allowed me to walk this path.
As if that wasn’t all the goodness I could handle, on top of that both Tommy (my fiance) and I are starting new jobs next week. Yep you read that right – God has done something crazy amazing and had us find out that we both would be starting our new jobs on the same week and now we both are actually starting these jobs just a day apart from each other. Again if you asked me if I thought God would do something like this a few months ago when we were struggling to find out where He wanted us I would never have thought He would do this.
So these are all amazing things and I am over the moon (is that the phrase??) excited for them both. The thing that makes me sad is that I wish these things made me want to run out and tell everyone I know about how good God is. And I guess part of me actually has, coming here and writing about it, but in my “offline” life I am way more reserved and shy and less likely to give God the glory.
When life is awesome and going just how I want it to I start to feel like I don’t need God anymore. It’s painful to admit but it’s just what I’m realizing is the truth. When I don’t have something that I am waiting for God to show up for, I am less likely to lean in and pray earnestly to him. I am less likely to even obey His commands. Somewhere in my sinful brain I think I start to believe that when things are bad, if I just listen to Him well then everything will be alright. But honestly we all know that’s just not true – He’s a much better God then we make Him out to be and His grace doesn’t depend on our obedience.
So today I am just going to just try to meditate on that fact alone. His goodness doesn’t depend on me and what an amazing truth that is. Even when I’m struggling to stay obedient to Him, He still loves me and is pursuing me.