Now I’m not married or even engaged for that matter so I’m not sure if I’m truly qualified to even write this post but I’m going to attempt it anyway. It’s obvious based off my other posts that Tommy and I are pretty serious and that we even have been talking about getting married a lot lately. We both know that we want to marry each other, it’s just a matter of time and letting the details work themselves out. As with anything new that I am about to embark on I have been reading AS MUCH as I can about marriage because I’m the type of person who always wants to be prepared. My parents are also divorced and I want to learn as much as I can how to have a healthy, happy marriage since it’s not what I grew up around or know much about.

The Most Important Thing I’ve Learned:

Marriage is not meant to make you happy. Wait, what? Isn’t that what’s taught – no drilled into our heads since we were old enough to talk? Isn’t that what every Disney movie (with the exception of Frozen – Hallelujah!) is about? If you search hard enough, or wait around long enough, prince charming will come find you. And when he does, it’s going to be glorious and there won’t be anything left to worry about. You’ll have your happily ever after and everything will be perfect.

But what happens when you wake up in the real world, next to a sinner – like yourself – and your prince charming does something you never would have imagined he would do? What happens when you’ve run into an issue in your marriage just two weeks in and you’re arguing all the time? Do you just give up because this isn’t what you thought married life was supposed to be like?

I hope not. I hope you choose to fight more for your marriage than you fight with your spouse. I hope you are able to swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong. But more than that I hope you forgive – I hope you forgive even when you don’t want to, even when your spouse did something you thought you never could forgive them for. Because isn’t that what marriage is truly about?

God gave us the gift of marriage to show us the beauty behind His love for us. It’s not meant to make us happy, it’s meant to make us holy. When we choose to get married, we are choosing to put someone’s needs before our own and sacrifice ourselves for another person. We’re choosing to put their happiness ahead of ours. We’re choosing to become more like Jesus. No wonder marriage isn’t the happily ever after we thought it would be. This is no easy task – I struggle with it already and I’m not even married yet.

The most amazing part of marriage to me is the grace were expected to give to our spouses. When we say “I do”, we’re committing to extend grace through anything, no matter what. We’re expected to stare straight at our spouse’s weaknesses, the same weakness that have hurt us and say “Nope I refuse to leave, I’m staying and I’m still choosing to love you”. And the greatest part of it all is that we’re expected to do all this because Jesus has already done it all for us – and more!

He’s looking at you right now saying “You – the messy, broken you that you don’t even like.. I want you. I want that part of you. Bring it to me and confess the brokenness – only I can heal you and I WANT to, more than you want to be healed. Come to me and I will give you rest.”

This is why marriage is so glorious! Because we were made to reflect that beauty. We get to show that grace to another person – that even though you’re messy and even though you hurt me – I still love you and I still am staying no matter what. We’re set up in the perfect place to really put on display Christ’s love to not only our spouses but to the world around us and this is so so much better than any happily ever after the movies display for us.

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  • This is so deep. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married almost 6 months. Although we have been together so long nothing truly prepared me for the lesson I was going to learn. Being married is all that you mentioned in your post and more. It is definitely hard but prayer really changes things. Thank you for this reminder.

    • Wow that’s really awesome. Could I ask you what makes marriage so different from being in a serious committed relationship? In my head it won’t be much different but I feel like nothing is going to truly set me up for what marriage is until I’m actually experiencing it myself.

      • I think it is the fact that we didn’t love together before we got married. You never really know someone until you live with them. So it is like getting to know each other all over again. It will definitely test your vows. My advice, never ever take prayer out of it and do it together.