Hi guys. It’s been a while since I’ve written a real blog post. I didn’t keep up with my goal to blog once a week. Once I blow it one week I get discouraged and don’t have the motivation to keep trying. But our weekend getaway was a really nice and relaxing time. I can hardly believe it’s December already.
But I want to talk to you guys about something that hit me very hard today. Something that is weighing heavily on my heart tonight. Something that I think is at the root of my hardest struggle right now. I wrote about how God had freed me from health anxiety maybe a month ago. And while I believe that He did, it hasn’t been just an easy hike since then. I confess that I’m still struggling a bit with it and mostly with anxiety that something bad will happen to either me or someone in my family. Something that has been helping though is looking back on what God has done in my life and remembering how far He has brought me. It reminds me that He is good DESPITE my fears.
But part of the problem (and the root to probably all of our problems I think) is that I am not desiring God above all else. A girl I follow on Instagram wrote a very convicting post today about our hearts desire. What is your hearts desire right now? Is it a closer relationship with God? Or like me is it a problem-free life? Or maybe your own comfort? A relationship? Or maybe a job that you are good at and enjoy? When I read this post I was convicted because if I’m honest most days I don’t desire God above all else. Sure I do desire God but I wouldn’t say that His relationship is my first desire. It usually is just because I feel guilty if it’s not. And then I’m operating out of guilt and not love and God definitely doesn’t want any of that.
But what would our lives look like if He really was our first and most important desire? And how do we get there, if we can honestly look at our life and see that this isn’t how we are living now? I think we would live anxiety-free lives that we really enjoyed because we would be able to enjoy every moment rather than being afraid that it was going to be taken from us.
I think the first step to this is to pray and plead with God because the only way for us to have real change is for Him to change our hearts. Without first coming to God and admitting where we are really at then there will only be superficial change at best. So what I’m going to start doing is waking up each morning and pray for God to make Him my hearts desire and do my best to act like He is – because that is His rightful place.